We live in a world where child abuse and molestation are words we hear on a daily basis. The only way to counter this is to teach children about 'good touch' and 'bad touch' at an early age. While there is no need to instill fear in a child, the sooner you start working towards this, the better it is. Here are some tips on how to get started.
• It's a penis, not a wee-wee - Name all body parts correctly
Give children anatomically correct names for their body parts. When your child starts identifying different parts of the body like the eyes, nose, and belly button, also tell them about their penis and vulva. Don't use euphemisms like wee-wee or boobies. It confuses children and distracts them from having the right vocabulary to express themselves, should they need to. It's also good to outline differences in the male and female body. Mamma has breasts while Daddy's chest is flat.
• Does grandma have a vulva? - Answer their questions
Answer your children's questions, even if they embarrass you. Children have a natural curiosity and the more openness you show in satisfying it, the more they will learn to be open with you. If you're comfortable, shower and change in front of your children so they are at ease with the human body and it's not shrouded in mystery.
• Give Uncle a goodbye kiss - Don't force affection
In a society like ours, it's common to insist that our children give people hugs and kisses even if they don’t want to. Whether it's out of fear that they will come across as ill-mannered children or because we are trying to build relationships between them and our friends or family, forcing affection is not a good idea. Children will naturally start to hug and kiss people they like. Never insist they do it when they are saying no. It confuses them and they may not feel confident saying no in a situation where they should.
• These are my breasts; you can't touch them without asking - Role model setting boundaries for your child
Let your child know that there are certain parts of your body they cannot touch without asking, like the breasts or buttocks. Tell them that it is your body so you get to decide what is ok and what isn't. Help them understand boundaries and good touch when they're younger by telling them when you're going to touch them, for example during a bath casually say, "Now I'm going to wash your penis" before doing so. As they grow older, ask instead of telling, "May I wash you?"
• Go with your gut - Identifying touch as good or bad
Talk to your kids about which kinds of touch are okay and which are not. Parents and close friends and family hugging, kissing, or dressing a child are okay. But only if it feels okay for the child. If it makes them uncomfortable in any way, they can say no and move away. No matter who the person is, including parents, a child always has the right to say no if they don't want to be touched. Strangers or acquaintances seeing, touching, or kissing their lips, chest, genitals, and buttocks are not okay. Neither is it okay for them to be asked to see, touch, or kiss someone else. Have frequent conversations giving examples of what good and bad touch can feel like so that children have a deep understanding of it, but do it casually, as you would talk of anything else so that they aren't terrified of the outside world. Reading books or watching age-appropriate videos with your kid is also a good way to reinforce these conversations.
• Circle of trust - Create one for your child
Pick 4-5 people both you and your child are close to and trust. It could be you, your partner, an aunt or uncle, a friend or grandparents. Let these people know that you are choosing them to be there for your child and that if they are ever approached by the child, to listen and believe what is being said. Tell your child that if they ever feel uncomfortable in a situation to say no, get away from the person making them uncomfortable, and come and tell any one of these people. Tell them these instances must never be kept secret even if they've been told not to talk about it by the perpetrator. Let them know that the people you've picked together will always believe them and make sure they are safe.
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