Stay at home mom vs. the working mom

It's interesting how things that weren't even a blip on your radar earlier suddenly come to your notice. And then all you can see is that. The whole working mom vs stay at home mom debate is like that for me. I didn't even know it existed a couple of years ago and now every time I turn my head the debate is raging, in blogs, on FB, among my friends. I figured it's time I jumped on the band wagon.

I am an in-between mom. I chose to not take up a full time career. Mostly because I am a single parent and didn't want to leave my child who'd already been through the trauma of divorce. Even if I weren't I would probably not have gone to work full-time. I feel it's my responsibility, if I've brought another human being into the world, to do the best I can by him. So for two years I stayed at home and then I started freelancing as a writer. Which basically means I'm at home, awake at 4 am typing away to meet deadlines with an occasional foray into office. That said, it's my choice. What is right for me, with my child, in my given set of circumstances. Does that mean it's the right choice for everyone? NO!

C'mon people. Let's give each other and ourselves a break. Let's not judge people for the choices they make. In my opinion there is only one thing that a parent MUST do. And that is to do the best they can. In their circumstances, with their resources. If you need to or want to work full-time, by all means, go ahead. It makes you no better or worse a parent than the mother who stays at home. Just as her staying at home makes her no better or worse than the one who works full-time. The focus is not your work status but the quality of life you provide for your child. I define quality as the time you spend teaching them all the things you want them to learn, about life and themselves. Quality is very different from quantity. You can spend all day with a child and offer nothing but abuse and neglect. Or meet them an hour a day and enrich their lives. And vice-versa.

So here's what I tell anyone who asks. Do your best by your child. If your attitude is right you don't really need to stress about anything else. My mom stayed at home but was often busy through the day with the house and her in-laws. Yet I learnt so much just watching her. About what I wanted to be and also what I didn't want to be. Today I try my best to set an example for my son. To be the kind of person I would want him to be. To follow his dreams, his passion. To be happy. For me that means working so that I can be independent, self-reliant and creatively fulfilled. It means traveling. It means building strong bonds of friendship. More than anything it means loving myself and being happy with my life. So that is what I do. My decisions are based on what I would like him to do in a similar situation, or what I would like him to see me doing. From there, things just become so much simpler.

If you want to work, full-time, part-time, freelance, go ahead and do it. If it makes you happy you have every right. You want to be at home all day, there's no reason not to. Do what is right for you. What is important for you. To all those people with the lists of pros and cons to be debated over, a mother's life choices are her own and no one else's business, so find something else to argue over. What our society needs is happy, healthy children. Parents need to make that happen. Single, couples, working, at home, mothers, fathers, all of us together. That is it!